Loss! what is it? is a feeling, is an thing. Loss is different for everyone from losing your first game of who wants to be a millionaire on play station at Christmas and throwing a wobbly to losing in a quiz “ah well better luck next time” shrug it off loss. To the deep sadness loss of a loved one, to the loss of an important piece of jewelry, left by your mum before she passed away on that deep deep sorrow of a late summers evening last June. Is that a different loss, is the actual loss of one’s loved one more important than something that once belonged to that person? Who determines how important that loss is?
In this blog, I had chosen this morning, to write about my own loss of a future that I once thought was forever, I had it all worked out in my head whilst driving in my car. Although at the time the loss was real I have a new future now and it did not seem relevant even though it was important to me. I re-read the instructions and the twist and wanted to try something new, not to write about me, although I do feel that your experiences in life are what shape your thinking and your imagination. So I decided to write a story Called Lost Forever! to try something new. I haven’t read any body post I wanted to see what I could do then see how my journey unfolds though the experiences and flavouring of my senses with your writing. So here goes!!
I loved going to the beach, even though I felt sad. I didn’t really understand my feeling at that young age I just knew I was sad and I knew the reason why, just didn’t understand. Not long afterwards, Granny and Grandpa took me to see some friends. James was 9, quite boisterous at time, but sensitive. Jenny was 10 nearly 11 very grown up, looked after me like I was her very own child. Jeremy and Jessica, twins, were a little older than me 5 and 3/4 to be precise who never stopped arguing “my drawings are better than yours” “no mine has more colour than yours” it would be up to Jenny to make the decision, she was very diplomatic and praised both of them for their effort which totally left them confused. Julia was the sweetest of them all, although sometimes not quite “with it! In her dreamland she played not really noticing me at all and I think if she did she would not get a look in with Jenny, who constantly smothered me, I wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened or whether that was how she was made.
The house was very big with what seemed like thousands of rooms, maybe a little exaggeration! All the children slept and played in the one room, granted it was the biggest room in the house. The attic room, was bright and colourfull and noisy. I found this strange to begin with but soon got used to it. The wind would howl and the lapping of the sea would echo within the walls of the attic room, sometimes keeping us all awake . After a few days Granny and Grandpa said their goodbyes and said they would be back to see me soon.
Down on the beech we all played, smiles on our faces, running, swimming, building sandcastles, but I was sad. Jenny would try her best to cheer me up, constantly cuddling and kissing me. It was lovely to know somebody felt that way about me, but it wasn’t her kisses and cuddles I wanted, or dreamed about. “Why is she sad” “shussh Jeremy” Julia whispered “its not her fault”. What isn’t my fault I wondered. That summer we spent most of the time on the beech even the rain didn’t keep us away. The sun shone and the birds tweeted , people laughed and played but still the sadness crept in. Jeremy whispered to Jessica, “I want to know why she is sad” “no you can’t ask her ” Jenny will tan our behinds. The risk of Jenny finding out and tanning his behind didn’t stop him this day and he blurted it out. ” I don’t know” I said “you must know” he whispered so Jenny would not hear him. I looked at the sea and the memory came flooding back and the tears began to roll down my cheek. Jessica looked at Jeremy horrified “oh no you have done it now” chastising him, even though she looked just as dumbfounded. In the distance and the recesses of my memory I could see myself laughing and hear the most wonderful sound in the world and that was my parents giggling away at me splashing the water in my eyes and screwing my face up in disgust, then doing it again and again until eventually I too was laughing. Jeremy and Jessica just stood there. “I’ve lost my mummy and daddy” I whispered in between my sobbing. ” Oh” Jessica mumbled. “I lost my favourite car in the sand right over there” he pointed and began to cry. Both Jessica and I looked toward the far point of the beech where Jeremy held out his arm and sobbed even harder . Jenny then turned around and came rushing to my side. “you poor thing, its OK I’m here now” she squeezed me tight and in a strange way I did feel better but was awfully concerned for Jeremy and wanted to go and find his lost car. Jessica hugged Jeremy whilst telling him off of course. James continued rushing around and kicking the sand in his face, Julia
Looked up to see what the fuss was about then continued in her own little dream world.